Maybe this speaks volumes about where we are - where I am - in terms of global despair. In fact, I worry that thinking about him too long may force my body to retract its more sensitive parts, sucking them up into my abdomen like a pink turtle hiding in its shell.
What erotica comes up for a law journalist by playing the SCOTUS? I’ve never once felt horny thinking about John Roberts.
#Toobin zoom call video free
What in the fucking world is an election simulation? Is it a coincidence that simulation is very close to the word stimulation? Will the tape of this event - presumably recorded by WNYC - one day be released? If, during an election simulation, the courts start masturbating, what is that a metaphor for? Could it mean that the election results will indeed be tossed to the courts? Does it mean that they won’t have to decide the election and will thus have plenty of free time on their hands, meaning lots of time to put dicks in their hands? Does Jeffrey Toobin know the election results somehow, and has this given him some kind of clarity on the future, fusing his political foresight and all of his urgent, sexual desires into one Zoom call? The details around Toobin’s act only serve to heighten the tale. I mean, maybe not during an active Zoom call where your video is still on. You’re going to tell me you’ve never taken a quick three minutes midday to crank your hog? To mash your meat? To butter your own muffin? There’s so little joy left in our lives are we not at least owed the time to toot our own horns? That’s the benefit of all this time working from home - the aberration in our routine allows for deviations in our day, which can include pleasure. I, of course, have never done this, as I am a good employee and have never done any drugs at all (my review is next week, please be cool), but it would be naive to think that most people aren’t engaged in some fuckery during a work Zoom. Some of you, I’m sure, have turned your video off for a brief moment during a video conference to take a big, hearty pull off a joint, and turned it back on when the smoke finally dissipated and your eyes look, miraculously, droopy. Endless snacks without judgment, cigarette breaks at your leisure, Real Housewives on all goddamn day. Haven’t we all done something on a work call that, in normal circumstances, we’d never do during a meeting? Let he without sin cast the first stone the benefit of working from home is in the comfort to do whatever you want.
#Toobin zoom call video full
We’re almost finished with our seventh full month of quarantine, a hellscape of endless Zoom happy hours (no one likes them and I’m glad we all seemed to agree, at the same time - month three? - to just cut it out) and Zoom work calls (a lot of me not wearing pants and trying to figure out new ways to explain why I can’t go into another room to get a notebook I forgot because, again, I am usually not wearing pants). Most striking of all, though, is how bizarre it is that we haven’t read a thousand stories like this during the pandemic. It has everything: a high-profile media person, his penis, a Zoom nightmare come to life, and an inexplicable “election simulation” that remains unexplained throughout all of this. Loath as I am to relish someone else’s mini scandal, this one is.particularly tremendous. (Toobin told Motherboard that he didn’t know he was visible on the call while allegedly making mayonnaise.) He left the call, and then later returned, apparently unaware that colleagues caught the whole thing. At one point, Toobin seemingly joined a secondary call, lowered his camera toward his penis, and allegedly - and I believe this is the technical term here - cranked it real good. According to Vice, the call was “an election simulation featuring many of the New Yorker’s biggest stars,” including Jelani Cobb, Jane Mayer, Masha Gessen (playing Donald Trump), and Toobin (standing in for the courts), among others. (Except, maybe, leg-washing Twitter, which I have decided we shall never speak of again after the end of this sentence.)Įarlier on Monday, Vice reported that writer and CNN legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin had been suspended by the New Yorker for masturbating on a Zoom call that took place last week between New Yorker staffers and WNYC.
Yesterday was a fun day on Media Twitter, routinely the worst of all Twitter subcultures.
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